Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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