I love black thongs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want nice things and good sex
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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