people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
