what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dignity is for republicans.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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