It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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