I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
