I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
we should paint friendship bongs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
