i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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