they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
