Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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