I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
