so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I skipped work to stalk him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
