How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
