Can i not drive my cunt home
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Girls should come with a carfax report
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
