My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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