wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize