Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
