Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so let's talk penis.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
