I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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