she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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