If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
