The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
