it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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