I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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