We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
