I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
