Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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