I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
