There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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