im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I understand Curling. That high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize