I am midnight drunk by noon
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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