I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
