Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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