I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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