I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
