i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
