i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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