Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize