somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
