Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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