im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
