There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
