I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
