Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
