Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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