her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
