i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
