I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
