Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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