Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
