he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
