I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
