Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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