im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
