Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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