I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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