OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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