would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to calm my uterus...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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