The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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