He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
