I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
