I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
