I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
