I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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